2020 · February 2020

Be kind… – 15.02.2020

Heartbreaking news today about Caroline Flack, and what a legacy to leave us with….

“In a world where you can be anything, be kind.”

None of us know the demons she was battling. What we do know however, is that she was a person, she had feelings, she has a family that loved her and she had a beautiful smile.

Who are we to pass comment on what happened behind closed doors? We read the stories, we listen to other people’s opinions and we judge.

I genuinely do believe that many people have anxiety in one form or another. When you hear kind words or see kind actions, you can see the greater good and can work through those anxieties. However, when you hear one person say a mean thing to you or more often about you to another, it creates questions in your mind. And when it’s someone you care about, someone you value the opinion of or someone you believe knows you the best, you start to believe those mean things.

Reach out to your friends, check in on your loved ones and fill their hearts and minds with as many kind and loving words as you possibly can. To you it might seem like nothing, but to them it could mean the world. ❤️

Rest in Peace Caroline Flack ✨

2020 · February 2020

Acceptance – 12.02.2020

Today was my final session of Compassion Focus Therapy Training. I have found these sessions really beneficial on so many levels.

To have compassion for myself, compassion for others and open to receiving compassion from others.

What does compassion mean? Is it giving someone a hug when you see them hurting? Is it being mindful of the feelings of others? Is it lending that ear when someone wants to talk, or being that shoulder to cry on?

Compassion is an unconditional acceptance in the moment of feelings – this can be done without judging or affirming the actions that lead to those feelings. We can use mindfulness to move forward once we have received/given compassion.

An attack on others is an attack on yourself and to become compassionate willing, let loose the illusion of negativity and focus on love.

We have two choices, look at the negatives of others or see their love.

By choosing to look at the negatives of others, I am also focusing on the negatives within myself. Quite often I tell the girls that if they see a behaviour or action of another that they don’t like, they need to look at their own behaviour first and recognise whether they are behaving or acting in the way they wish to see.

Yet when I focus on another persons love, I give love to myself and beyond.

This does not deny the negativity in someone but only they are irrelevant in my perception. I acknowledge their negativity but choose not to dwell on it.

I accept that I am not everyone’s cup of tea, and I also accept that others may not approve of what I do, the decisions I make or the information that I share.

I also accept that I give love, I am doing the best that I can, I am strong, I am loving and I am ME ❤️

2020 · February 2020

Overstretched – 10.02.2020

This young lady is beautiful, kind-hearted and currently overwhelmed by hormones.

Five minutes after getting up, all the girls were complaining of aching. It would seem that they all overstretched themselves yesterday and now their muscles are screaming. However, it’s DM that is still aching when she got home from school.
Distracted by her phone, she managed to get through most of this evening, however, a simple comment from TwoTone saying that she had eaten an apple caused a mini meltdown for DM. She took herself upstairs and got ready for bed. 7.15pm she was in her Pj’s, tucked up in bed and tearful because of her aching muscles.
At 12 years old, DM has decided that she no longer wants to do any form of exercise, she wants to stay in bed all day and eat biscuits! That’s my girl 💪🏻 😂😂😂
Now the question is….. Being the caring, comforting parent that I am 🙊, when do you think I should tell her that day 2 is when you really ache? 🤔😬😂

February 2020

Be the Champion.. 08.02.2020

It has been a week where my strength has been utilised.

TwoTone has really struggled with her behaviour this week and got to the point on Thursday where she just couldn’t see a way out of the rollercoaster she had got on. It is so easy to see the challenging behaviour as mean words or aggressive actions, but it takes time, understanding and a whole lot of patience to see beyond those actions and find what is actually needed.

Pops too has been overwhelmed this week, she has begun to recognise the power of her mind and is able to tell us when something is bothering her – which is an incredible step for her. But sometimes, a simple act of going next in the shower can cause a massive meltdown.

DM appears to want to be heard, or rather might be feeling that she isn’t being heard and has decided to ramp up the volume switch. She is such a caring and considerate soul; who’s mind is being taken over by hormones.

Add to this the fact that I am experiencing a overdose of hormones, it certainly makes for a challenging week.

Yes, “poor Peach”, I hear you cry. He is our anchor, he brings calm to our storms and humour to our sass. I am forever grateful to have him as my one, my love and my life. Together we are the champion for our daughters; and he is my saviour. ❤️

February 2020

To do list… 03.02.2020

On reflection, this is how my to do list should have looked this morning. Instead my bright yellow post it note was filled with, call…., reply to ……., chase ……, speak to…….., meet with….., text……. ironing….

Whilst at twin club my friends were chuckling at my list and my mission to complete it.

How often do we set our physical to do list to one side and work on our inner self to do list! Take time to breathe, sit back and listen to a book, take a walk for the sake walking. As I picked up our girls from school, I walked home hand in hand with Aj (Pops walking ahead having a happy little chat with herself), we saw birds in the hedge beside us. They were so close we could see the colours of their petals and the type of birds they were. AJ and I had a lovely chuckle at seeing Sam the Great Tit there.

I am so very grateful for the luxury of being able to be with our girls at these times. I love the cuddles on the settee watching The Masked Singer, I love the idle chit chat over dinner and I love the hand in hand wanders whilst observing the world around us.

February 2020

One step at a time 02.02.2020

Our beautiful precious DiddyPops. She’s constantly keeping us on our toes with her bubbling emotions. She was given the fantastic opportunity by her school to attend a drama day at another local high school yesterday. Pops was over the moon to be invited and thoroughly enjoyed her day.

Pops is currently receiving play therapy through CAMHS to help with her anxiety. Since she was 6 years old, Pops has suffered with IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome), in recent years she has developed a variety of tics and has rages that you honestly wouldn’t believe could come from such a gentle being.

We have had various appointments with paediatricians, dieticians, neurologists, school nurses and GP’s, including various training sessions on encouraging positive behaviour in young children.

We often find Pops in her bedroom, on her own, happily playing with her Monster High Dolls.

However, it’s Pops that will worry that she doesn’t want to be seen as mean, she will worry that she heard someone say something hurtful and she’ll be the first to notice that you have beautiful nails, a new haircut or a lovely top on. She worry’s that her army inside her (what we have called her immune system) is dying when she feels overwhelmed.

Tonight she has gone to bed asking about her next play therapy session. Peach and I agreed that we wouldn’t tell her when they are as she frets about it, constantly asking questions, reminding us not to forget and telling us what she thinks she might be doing and what she might miss at school. Pops had a session on Friday last week and I made the mistake of giving her the letter with the appointments on. She knows this will be the last one, and appears to be playing the appointment over and over in her mind.

We can do this Pops, one step at a time. Take our hands, we’ll help you through it. ❤️

January 2020

Compassion – 29.01.2020

Today’s training has been Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT). I am attending a four week course (as part of fostering) to encourage me to be compassionate towards myself.

We have been given an incredible diagram of the flows of compassion.

🧍🏼‍♀️(ourself) ➡️ 👩🏻‍🤝‍👩🏼👩🏻‍🤝‍👩🏼(others)

👩🏻‍🤝‍👩🏼👩🏻‍🤝‍👩🏼 ➡️ 🧍🏼‍♀️

🧍🏼‍♀️ ➡️ 🧍🏼‍♀️

Stop for a minute and think about which flow is easier for you….

Mine is the top one, I will happily, easily and confidently give compassion to others. I rarely accept compassion from others and will only ever give myself compassion when I am at breaking point.

“My dear friend;

Because there is some part of you that is imperfect or broke, it can motivate you to work hard to overcome it, and can ultimately bring you success in life. It can also help you to relate to others and become more compassionate. Do not despair over what is imperfect in yourself. Instead, look at your flaws with love.” – Haemin Sunim Love for Imperfect Things

I heard that quote on my audio book as I made the journey to training. So quickly we can be compassionate to others in need, and critical to ourselves for not coping as well as we feel we should. Why is that? Who are we hiding from? Who is putting that level of expectation on us? It’s us, it’s ourselves. You’re having a bad day? That’s ok! Are you not coping well today? That’s ok too! Own it! Today I am happy, today I am stressed, today I am disappointed, today I am overwhelmed – any of it, all of it; That’s ok

“Learn to express what you are feeling without agonising over it. It is a life skill every bit as important as learning how to read. Without it, dissatisfaction builds up, arguments break out, and relationships can blow up like volcanoes.” – Haemin Sunim Love for Imperfect Things

It is not selfish to say I need help, it is not selfish to say I can’t help and it is not selfish to say I need 5 mins to myself.

Take the time to love yourself, be compassionate towards yourself and allow yourself the time to do something you love; read a chapter of the book you love, take the dog for a walk, cuddle up to your loved one or watch your baby sleep. By allowing yourself those moments you can reconnect with your happy self ❤️

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Photo credit to my incredible daughter DM ❤️