2020 · April 2020 · Home Schooling

Perspective – 27.04.2020

It’s so easy to get wrapped up in the negative view of quarantine. Home-schooling five daughters, spending 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with the same people and minimal contact with people outside our household. Listening to the bickering, the power struggles and witnessing the actions of frustration. Honestly, it would be so easy to just say “f**k it”.

But then I see moments like this…. and I am reminded of the absolute beauty of quarantine.

I am a full-time Mum to five individual, creative and challenging daughters. My husband holds the responsibility of providing financially for us all. And that is very often a heavy weight.

This lockdown has forced him to stop working; it wasn’t a choice. There will be a financial impact, of that I have no doubt, but the family impact…. well that could have never been measured. You see, we have never ever, had this amount of time together as a family. And the benefits that our time together is having on us as individuals and as a family, is incredible.

It is hard work, not a day goes by where a someone gets upset, an argument happens over who’s turn it is to use the tv remotes, or who last used a hairbrush or even about breathing in the same direction of another person (yes that really is a case for an argument in this house). But, every day, there is always that one moment (some days a treat of two), where they’ll surprise us with their love, kindness, intelligence and their inquisitiveness.

And if all else fails, at the end of the day, if I’ve not seen “that moment”, I remind myself….. We’re all still alive and most of us are still smiling ❤️

Stay safe & stay home.

Sending virtual hugs to family and friends ❤️

2020 · February 2020

Be kind… – 15.02.2020

Heartbreaking news today about Caroline Flack, and what a legacy to leave us with….

“In a world where you can be anything, be kind.”

None of us know the demons she was battling. What we do know however, is that she was a person, she had feelings, she has a family that loved her and she had a beautiful smile.

Who are we to pass comment on what happened behind closed doors? We read the stories, we listen to other people’s opinions and we judge.

I genuinely do believe that many people have anxiety in one form or another. When you hear kind words or see kind actions, you can see the greater good and can work through those anxieties. However, when you hear one person say a mean thing to you or more often about you to another, it creates questions in your mind. And when it’s someone you care about, someone you value the opinion of or someone you believe knows you the best, you start to believe those mean things.

Reach out to your friends, check in on your loved ones and fill their hearts and minds with as many kind and loving words as you possibly can. To you it might seem like nothing, but to them it could mean the world. ❤️

Rest in Peace Caroline Flack ✨

2020 · February 2020

Acceptance – 12.02.2020

Today was my final session of Compassion Focus Therapy Training. I have found these sessions really beneficial on so many levels.

To have compassion for myself, compassion for others and open to receiving compassion from others.

What does compassion mean? Is it giving someone a hug when you see them hurting? Is it being mindful of the feelings of others? Is it lending that ear when someone wants to talk, or being that shoulder to cry on?

Compassion is an unconditional acceptance in the moment of feelings – this can be done without judging or affirming the actions that lead to those feelings. We can use mindfulness to move forward once we have received/given compassion.

An attack on others is an attack on yourself and to become compassionate willing, let loose the illusion of negativity and focus on love.

We have two choices, look at the negatives of others or see their love.

By choosing to look at the negatives of others, I am also focusing on the negatives within myself. Quite often I tell the girls that if they see a behaviour or action of another that they don’t like, they need to look at their own behaviour first and recognise whether they are behaving or acting in the way they wish to see.

Yet when I focus on another persons love, I give love to myself and beyond.

This does not deny the negativity in someone but only they are irrelevant in my perception. I acknowledge their negativity but choose not to dwell on it.

I accept that I am not everyone’s cup of tea, and I also accept that others may not approve of what I do, the decisions I make or the information that I share.

I also accept that I give love, I am doing the best that I can, I am strong, I am loving and I am ME ❤️

February 2020

To do list… 03.02.2020

On reflection, this is how my to do list should have looked this morning. Instead my bright yellow post it note was filled with, call…., reply to ……., chase ……, speak to…….., meet with….., text……. ironing….

Whilst at twin club my friends were chuckling at my list and my mission to complete it.

How often do we set our physical to do list to one side and work on our inner self to do list! Take time to breathe, sit back and listen to a book, take a walk for the sake walking. As I picked up our girls from school, I walked home hand in hand with Aj (Pops walking ahead having a happy little chat with herself), we saw birds in the hedge beside us. They were so close we could see the colours of their petals and the type of birds they were. AJ and I had a lovely chuckle at seeing Sam the Great Tit there.

I am so very grateful for the luxury of being able to be with our girls at these times. I love the cuddles on the settee watching The Masked Singer, I love the idle chit chat over dinner and I love the hand in hand wanders whilst observing the world around us.

January 2020

Compassion – 29.01.2020

Today’s training has been Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT). I am attending a four week course (as part of fostering) to encourage me to be compassionate towards myself.

We have been given an incredible diagram of the flows of compassion.

🧍🏼‍♀️(ourself) ➡️ 👩🏻‍🤝‍👩🏼👩🏻‍🤝‍👩🏼(others)

👩🏻‍🤝‍👩🏼👩🏻‍🤝‍👩🏼 ➡️ 🧍🏼‍♀️

🧍🏼‍♀️ ➡️ 🧍🏼‍♀️

Stop for a minute and think about which flow is easier for you….

Mine is the top one, I will happily, easily and confidently give compassion to others. I rarely accept compassion from others and will only ever give myself compassion when I am at breaking point.

“My dear friend;

Because there is some part of you that is imperfect or broke, it can motivate you to work hard to overcome it, and can ultimately bring you success in life. It can also help you to relate to others and become more compassionate. Do not despair over what is imperfect in yourself. Instead, look at your flaws with love.” – Haemin Sunim Love for Imperfect Things

I heard that quote on my audio book as I made the journey to training. So quickly we can be compassionate to others in need, and critical to ourselves for not coping as well as we feel we should. Why is that? Who are we hiding from? Who is putting that level of expectation on us? It’s us, it’s ourselves. You’re having a bad day? That’s ok! Are you not coping well today? That’s ok too! Own it! Today I am happy, today I am stressed, today I am disappointed, today I am overwhelmed – any of it, all of it; That’s ok

“Learn to express what you are feeling without agonising over it. It is a life skill every bit as important as learning how to read. Without it, dissatisfaction builds up, arguments break out, and relationships can blow up like volcanoes.” – Haemin Sunim Love for Imperfect Things

It is not selfish to say I need help, it is not selfish to say I can’t help and it is not selfish to say I need 5 mins to myself.

Take the time to love yourself, be compassionate towards yourself and allow yourself the time to do something you love; read a chapter of the book you love, take the dog for a walk, cuddle up to your loved one or watch your baby sleep. By allowing yourself those moments you can reconnect with your happy self ❤️

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Photo credit to my incredible daughter DM ❤️