April 2020

How are you? – 15.04.2020

How are you? Just wanted to check you’re ok? How are you getting on? Are you ok?

Me, I’m fine

.

.

.

Actually, I’m not fine. This is really hard. I mean, really really hard and it’s taking every piece of my patience, love and soul to keep it together.

Nearly four weeks ago, I sobbed. I was an absolute mess. It had just been announced that schools were closing for at least two weeks and the idea of being at home with five daughters, who depend on structure, stability and routine (as much as they may say they hate it) scared the shit out of me. My anxiety went into overdrive, my old insecurities resurfaced and opinions of others crippled me. I tried to keep it away from Peach as I knew he had his worries about our uncertainties and I couldn’t turn to my core friends, as I felt they had their own stresses to deal with, so I crumbled. At 7.30pm on Friday 20th, I sobbed. And when Peach came to find me curled up in a ball on our bed, my thoughts, my worries, my fears – they all came out. I shared them all with him and he held me.

Over three weeks into this pandemic and I still sometimes think that I’ll wake up tomorrow and everything will go back to “normal” – kids will be at school, Hubby will be at work, I’ll be back running the groups supporting families and the local kids and I’ll be able to give hugs to my extended loved ones.

But then I ask myself, do I really want it back to “normal”?

Our daughters have never had this time with Peach and I. We have never before been able to spend this length of time with them and just find the best way to enjoy each other’s company. We may never get this time again and we can learn so much from this.

The financial side of this scares us. My income is extremely minimal; Peach is our breadwinner. He is also self-employed in the construction trade and is not able to carry out his work safely. We have applied for support from the government and have been told that we qualify for the help.

We are now working on our family. Finding ways that we can grow as a unit. Become the best versions of ourselves and help others around us. And as beautiful and inspiring as this may sound, reality is – it’s flippin hard!

5 kind, caring, funny and intelligent young ladies, can also be 5 little witches. Witches that don’t want to do as they are being asked to, don’t see why they should clear up after themselves and don’t see why they should have to do the adults jobs of cleaning or cooking. 🤦🏼‍♀️

As an adult I’m struggling with not being able to see my friends as freely as I would like to, so I completely understand their frustration of not being able to spend time with their friends. As Peach said to one of them tonight, the whole country has been “grounded” and told they’re not allowed out for the foreseeable.

We’ll get through this, hopefully, we’ll all have a stronger appreciation for key-workers, we’ll appreciate those nights out with mates, and the freedom of being able to walk into a shop at will and maybe we’ll all have tidy gardens and houses to come home to, having spent weeks and weeks being told to stay at home. But most of all, we’ll have a more sincere, a more meaningful and a stronger relationship with our children. So that in years to come they know how to love one another, how to laugh with each other and more importantly, how to help each other.

That’s what I keep telling myself. ❤️

Thank you for checking in on me, I really do appreciate it. And thank you for inspiring me to write again. 💞

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