I’ve noticed today that over the past couple of weeks I’ve been feeling quite down in myself. Ordinarily, I’m a positive person, I like to look on the nicer side of life and try not to let things upset me.
I’ve had my reasons for my moods. One factor has been Peach going away for the weekend. I have also allowed myself to be consumed in negative thought about a situation with a good friend; I desperately want to talk things through with them and find out their feelings but right now is not a good time for them. Therefore I’m being my own worst enemy and going against all of my own advice and coming to conclusions of my own.
I have also had pregnancy on my mind. I know that it takes 6 months after giving birth to get back into a regular cycle, but knowing that and actually acknowledging that are two different things.
I have been in a situation recently whereby I was concerned that I might be pregnant again. (For the record I’m very happy with the four girlies we’ve got). I take the necessary precautions to prevent us having anymore children, but there’s only one way to be 100% certain – abstinence!
Never-the-less I was eight days late and as each day passed it played on my mind…. Could I be pregnant? How could I let this happen? How would Peach take it? What would be the best way to talk to him about it? How would we accommodate another child in our house, in our car? How would I cope? What about my health? What would people think? How would family react? How would we cope financially? And all sorts of horrible actions
These were my daily thoughts, they rattled round in my mind constantly, every time I went to the toilet, every time I had a pain in my tummy; all I could think was is this early pregnancy again?
It’s not easy for me to pop out and get a pregnancy test; I didn’t want to go to the village stores as I worried someone might see me and ask questions. I wasn’t ready to provide answers as I didn’t know myself what the answers would be.
Again, I found myself dwelling on my own concerns and exaggerating each and every scenario. I found it hard to talk to anyone about it, as I didn’t know how I felt. I couldn’t find the words to express my concerns and I didn’t want their concerns or opinions added to my shoulders.
As each day passed, my thoughts gathered like tumbleweed.
I finally got to the point where I realised enough was enough and decided I was going to buy a pregnancy test the following morning. If someone saw me or asked questions, I was just going to have to deal with it.
As it was, the following morning I did not need to get the pregnancy test, the Universe took charge and I’m not pregnant. I know that the concern and my anxiety would have made matters worse and that because of my relaxed mind the night before, my body was able to resume normal function.
Even now though, after having going through this (admittedly having put myself in it), I feel left with slight scarring. I personally feel it’s unfair that we as women go through this most months. I know that this is the dark side of being late and that there is also the light slight for those trying to conceive.
I have all that I have longed for and intend to treasure each and every moment with our beautiful girls.